Miss Movin’ On

She swears that she’s done nothing wrong

Of course that’s so, Miss Movin’ On

You see his flaws, but you have none

You just count the things he’s done

Oh, he’s not faultless (yes, we know)

I agree that it was his time to go

But why’d you push him, Miss Movin’ On?

You brought in the next before he was gone

Single and free, that’s what you say

But you were in love just yesterday

You say you’re happy, that he did you wrong,

But I think I know better, Miss Movin’ On

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Eyes

His eyes were closed, but I opened them

Shined a light from the tip of my pen,

Closed them again, but they wouldn’t stay

I found myself trapped in his unseeing gaze

Pupils blown up as I’d not seen before

Cold, dark, and soulless; the pen dropped to the floor

Everything I knew flew out of my head

This is what it looked like, when someone was dead

His chest didn’t move, and his eyes didn’t blink

I tested his reflexes, but not so much as a wink

I tried for a pulse, but there was nothing at all

The nurse looked in: “There’s family to call.”

So I covered the man with a clean, white sheet

Walked out of the room, as my job was complete

The phone call was short, yet it somehow seemed longer

I was embarrassed to struggle; I’d thought I was stronger

I signed the all papers and initialed the charts,

Recorded the exact time when his heart had stopped

Went back upstairs, but didn’t make it two flights

When my heart started clawing, putting up its own fight,

Banging on its chest cage, trying to come out

No idea what it wanted, but it filled me with doubt

Had I done something wrong? Was there something I’d missed?

Did he pass as he wanted? Was it just as he’d wished?

I broke down crying, in the stairwell, alone

Fumbling with buttons I couldn’t see on my phone

Just to hear a voice, to hear them tell me it’s okay

Hear them say, don’t worry, it’s another hospital day

But my fingers weren’t working, so no voice appeared

And I turned to the wall to hide my face, full of tears,

Until I’d cried it out, when I turned to the steps,

Tried to go forward, but plunged back into the depths

Of darkness, despair; I was lost in a maze

Unfamiliar and scared, a frightening craze

How could I go on, with this burden of guilt?

It was as if I’d pulled a trigger, his blood I’d spilt

I knew it was nonsense, in the back of my head,

But nonsense is convincing, when the subject is death!

So I took a deep breath and tried to calm down

Forced away guilt; otherwise, I’d drown

I thought of my mother, who holds her head high,

She knows how it feels to watch someone die

But she never falters, she can stay strong

When others are lost, she helps them carry on

And then I thought of the others still in my care

And my teammates and students. They needed me there.

There’d be time for tears, but this wasn’t it

Get my head back in the game, had no time to just sit

So I ran back upstairs, only five minutes late

Rounds had just started; we were on bed #8

Thus my day continued, and I carried on

Forcing myself to, somehow, stay strong

This is the cycle, when somebody dies,

Stay strong, move on — and don’t look into their eyes

Angel of Death

Deep in the night, I float through the halls,

The Angel of Death, by some I am called,

My thoughts are a dream, and a misty gaze coats

Every glance, every look; the dim light turns morose

Wherever I go, death seems to follow

The bitterest truth, though it’s not easy to swallow

Deep in the bowels of a hospital ward

Or in my own bed, gripping the headboard,

I hear its soft growl as it prowls through the air

Seeking its prey, seeking to cause despair

Such is the life of my shadow, my friend,

My one true constant, a beloved life’s end.

So be wary of my presence, lest you yourself find

Your Life and Death inseparably intertwined

I don’t try to do it, but it’s a mistake I repeat

So run while you can, lest Death your presence seeks

Mute

Your words are toxic, their meaning, obtuse,

So I turn down the volume, and put you on mute

You’re a waste of my time, hate the air that you breathe,

So I leave you behind, searching for some relief

Will you ever stop speaking? Words like yours don’t last

They’re lost in a memory. What’s past is past.

And you’re past, I know, but I still can’t move on

Though your voice stopped, your words hurt; you’re not really gone

Like Sun on Water

Like sunshine on the water, it was too bright to see

The love that you said you felt just for me

I tried hard to search, but it never was clear

I was too blind to see that there was nothing really there

Sunlight hits waves before they crash on the shore

Your love came in waves, each day stronger than before,

But never lasting long, gone as fast as it came

Leaving me longing as I tried to feel the same

Every touch is cold, kisses salty on my lips

In and out it goes, closer, further as tides flip

You slip through my hands, leaving nothing once it dries

As the sun shines on the water, I should have known to shade my eyes

Asylum

I run the halls, slam against the walls,

Pretend that I can’t hear their calls

They’re everywhere, they’re in my head

They’ve buried me, but I’m not dead

I’m freer now, free from their lies,

Free to run straight, not pushed aside

They can’t touch me, I’m out of reach

But I hear their words. They’re haunting me.

The past is past, but it lives on

In every thing that I do wrong

I was lost in love, fell so far I drowned,

And when I awoke, they tied me down

They taught me things I never knew

And I was scarred when they were through

I didn’t want their two-faced hugs

I only wanted to be loved

But they didn’t care, and now I run

I don’t pay mind to anyone

I break down doors and pull my hair

I hear their voices everywhere

They let me go, said I was free,

But didn’t really let go of me

And I’m not bitter, no, I’m insane

Trapped forever in their crazy game

Out of the Loop

Feelings on fire, but my whole head is sore

Trying to leave, but you’re still wanting more

Needing some time to rest and recoup

But you’re back in love — guess you’re out of the loop

And the feelings race fast, too fast to last

For me this is over, everything’s past

But you keep coming, you say you want to regroup

But I said it’s over — guess you’re out of the loop

Flighty

Thirty thousand feet below

Worlds pass by, but no one knows

How high I fly, while I’m up here

They can’t see me; I’ve disappeared

And, while I’m here, the past is gone

No memories, I’m moving on

I’m flying high, can’t drag me down

Only smiles, I’ve forgotten frowns

The world is small, its problems, minute

So, as I fly, I give a salute

Thanks for the memories, but I’ll let them go

From this day forward, it’s onward ho

Believer

I was a believer, so Satan swallowed me whole,

Spat me out in seconds, but left a big hole

Where he’d bitten out my heart, and left me unfeeling

All my love gone, and leaving me reeling,

No point in concealing, I’m so bitter and burnt

No chance to forget the lessons I’ve learnt

They’re carved in my chest, where my heart should be

But he didn’t think of that, when he stole it from me

And Satan walks still, ripping hearts out of chests

Leaving them lost, to wander without rest

Memories long past meander through out dreams

Bringing nightmares every night, where naught’s as it seems

Nature’s Fury

Nature’s fury falls from the sky

So many see it, but none know why

Why does it roar, and why does it scream?

Why does it come, and what does it mean?

Why does it hurt, and why does it kill?

If it’s so deadly, then why does it thrill?

Why does it flash so brightly in black?

Why does it pass, and never look back?