I can feel the past slipping away.

My heartstrings are silent. They no longer play.

I was his loving fool, but when he was gone

I found myself broken. I couldn’t be strong.

I cried every day every way everywhere

I couldn’t move on if he wasn’t there

I know that I’m flawed, that I’m selfish and cold

But my heart has been scarred. It’s a hundred years old.

And now it is broken. I drove him away.

At least, that’s what he told me. That’s what they say.

It was my fault he left me. It’s my fault he’s gone.

He was too precious, too perfect to ever belong

With someone like me. Yes, that’s what he said

Before he T-boned his car. And now he is dead.

I hung up the phone on that cold, fateful night

After the blood spilled, after our fight

I begged him to come back, but he ran away

And he haunted my memory every day

I begged forgiveness from God every night

But my dreams were filled with darkness and frights

Even the birds seemed to hide from my eyes

All of the earth found one girl to despise

Because I’d killed another by begging for love

And now he floats with angels in heaven above

And I linger here in this bright ball of flames

Smothered with guilt and consumed with self-blame

But one day I woke up and opened my eyes

To find something strange: I’d woken up blind!

I could see no light, no colours or shapes

Was this some prank, or a horrid mistake?

I called for help soon so I could try to stand

Feeling my way through the dark with my hand

But no one was there to answer my plea

No one responded. There was no one but me.

I lived for ten months in this crippling state

Begging for forgiveness before it was too late

Until one day I woke up, and found I could see

That was when I realised that I’d forgiven me

I had to live in darkness until I could live with myself

To push the guilt aside for something that wasn’t my fault

And thus was how I realised, on a brand new year’s eve

That I could earn forgiveness by first forgiving me


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