I can feel the past slipping away.
My heartstrings are silent. They no longer play.
I was his loving fool, but when he was gone
I found myself broken. I couldn’t be strong.
I cried every day every way everywhere
I couldn’t move on if he wasn’t there
I know that I’m flawed, that I’m selfish and cold
But my heart has been scarred. It’s a hundred years old.
And now it is broken. I drove him away.
At least, that’s what he told me. That’s what they say.
It was my fault he left me. It’s my fault he’s gone.
He was too precious, too perfect to ever belong
With someone like me. Yes, that’s what he said
Before he T-boned his car. And now he is dead.
I hung up the phone on that cold, fateful night
After the blood spilled, after our fight
I begged him to come back, but he ran away
And he haunted my memory every day
I begged forgiveness from God every night
But my dreams were filled with darkness and frights
Even the birds seemed to hide from my eyes
All of the earth found one girl to despise
Because I’d killed another by begging for love
And now he floats with angels in heaven above
And I linger here in this bright ball of flames
Smothered with guilt and consumed with self-blame
But one day I woke up and opened my eyes
To find something strange: I’d woken up blind!
I could see no light, no colours or shapes
Was this some prank, or a horrid mistake?
I called for help soon so I could try to stand
Feeling my way through the dark with my hand
But no one was there to answer my plea
No one responded. There was no one but me.
I lived for ten months in this crippling state
Begging for forgiveness before it was too late
Until one day I woke up, and found I could see
That was when I realised that I’d forgiven me
I had to live in darkness until I could live with myself
To push the guilt aside for something that wasn’t my fault
And thus was how I realised, on a brand new year’s eve
That I could earn forgiveness by first forgiving me