all wrong

sometimes i get jealous when i hear them sing

of love and friendship, and empty things

i had love once, but now it’s gone

all i have left are the poems and songs

sometimes i write in a fit of despair

when things are all wrong and no one is there

but sometimes there’s love, and sometimes i write

from the blush of the morning to the depths of night

but that is so rare, and i am so old

and i’ve seen the fall-out of things i’ve been told

and i will get jealous, so i will write, too

though none of the songs will be entirely true

because things are not better, and love is all gone

and, no matter what happens, it will all be all wrong

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Let Them In

There are monsters in the night

They cover my eyes, and blot out the light

They come out of darkness, born out of sin

There is no escape once they’ve been let in

They’ll torture your mind and haunt all your thoughts

All the pain and regret you thought you forgot

They’ll breed in your mind until you’ve been consumed

Then they’ll disappear as you succumb to your doom

You may think this strange, because you cannot see

The scars and the wounds these monsters gave me

But I’ve lost the blood, yes, I feel the weight

And now that I’ve bled, I know there’s no escape

But I will never speak of these things to you

Because speaking would force me to admit that they’re true

And I still pretend that the monsters aren’t real

Because that numbs the pain, pain I don’t want to feel

Maybe it’s foolish to play such a game

But, while I’m still playing, I’m not drowning in pain

Although I am broken, with the monsters let in,

I will carry on; I will not let them win

Lies

I’m ten feet tall, and full of muscle

When people see me, they see trouble

When I arrive, the party stops

They all panic, and call the cops

I’m light as air, and I fly free

Just air between the ground and me

The sun is high, but I rise higher

Away from pain and stale desire

In the dark, I see the world

As beautiful as when dawn unfurls

It does not scare me, I’m not afraid

I love the frozen, blackened shade

In my heart, there’s joy and love

I dance beneath the sky above

There are no strangers still unknown

And I will never be alone

Cigarette

Disclaimer: Smoking is bad for you. Writing is good for you. 

It rests beneath my fingertips

Soft, yet crunchy. I raise it to my lips,

Take a deep breath in, lower, exhale.

A puff of smoke rises.

Again I inhale.

I stand by the window, bathed by the moon

Its silvery light shines bright in the room

The world lies below me, no movement or breeze

The stillness is stifling, just like a disease

It’s burning my lungs. I breathe out again.

Take another puff.

And another.

And another.

My eyes fill with smoke, and water. I open the window.

It’s too cold.

My heart feels heavy, like it’s made of gold.

Oh, if I had that gold, then I’d be so rich

I’d have a palace, and diamonds,

And satin

And lace

Pearls to frame my wrinkled face

But I am too poor. I take another puff.

They say it will kill me, but I don’t mind much.

There’s not much to miss here, and I’m too high to care

The ashes spread on my clothes and the floor.

The smoke rises.

It’s everywhere.

Burn On

In the darkness, there is no light

No love, no laughter, only endless night

I stand by the altar, my soul dripping in sin

I stare at the heavens, where I won’t be let in

In my hand rests a candle, white wrapped in gold

It will be lit for the sins which will never be told

There are no words at all for the things that I’ve done

In me, God is weak; the devil’s already won

But I can still feel it, and I can still mourn

For the hope and the love I’ve shredded and torn

I have a match in my hand. Look, the candle is lit.

I walk to the pew, and, in silence, I sit.

The whole church is dark, save the flame up ahead

My body feels heavy, like it’s made out of lead

The flame burns so brightly, it makes my eyes bleed

As I sit, I bleed out the sins of life that I lead

Though I am of darkness, I sit through the night

I’m facing my candle, which is still burning bright

And when the sun rises, I’ll rise too, and be gone

But my flame will still burn; yes, the light will go on

Nobody Loves

If nobody loves you, do you shrivel and die?

You can’t live without love, so why even try?

If nobody loves you, then there’s nobody there

To hug you or hear you or act like they care

If nobody loves you, then there’s no one at all

To stay with you, hold your hand, or answer your calls

If nobody loves you, then your heart won’t be fed

It will slowly stop beating, and then you’ll be dead

If nobody loves you, then your love is one-sided

Because people must love, that’s what God decided

If nobody loves you, then you will be empty

You can’t smile, laugh, or joke, or even be friendly

Because, if nobody loves you, then no one will know

If your time has expired, and your soul must go

If nobody loves you, then no one will cry

At your grave and remember the day that you died

If nobody loves you, will your spirit go on?

Or will you fade into darkness, as the whole world moves on?

Living In You

I can’t lose you; you’re all I have
If I don’t have you, then I’ll go mad
I can’t let go, can’t go on my own
I am too scared to be left all alone
The world is too big, and people don’t care
If you’re hurt or you’re crying, if you’re lost or you’re scared
If I don’t have you with me, then there’s no one at all
To love me or need me or be there when I call
I love you so much! But that isn’t enough
To keep you from leaving, from escaping my touch
I can’t let you go, but I haven’t a say
In what the fates dictate will happen today
But please, do not leave me! I can’t be alone
I still need you near me! Don’t leave me alone!
We have dreams that need living! We have two lives to live!
We have promises to keep, and so much to give!
We can have a bright future! Please don’t fade away!
I don’t want to lose you, not now, not today
Summer’s finally here, and our heartbeats are songs
But why is yours fading? The rhythm’s all wrong!
No, don’t close your eyes! They might not open again!
Oh, please, please, don’t do this! This can’t be the end!
Oh, please, just say something! Anything at all!
I love you so much, but you won’t answer my call!
I can’t feel your heart, and your lips have turned blue
Your hands feel so cold…I think I’m facing the truth.
I’m alone again, aren’t I? The silence is thick
The tears come down slowly, but my heartbeat is quick
You’re dead in my arms, and I am dead, too,
Because all that I lived for was living in you