Behind the Mask

Every time they pass me by
Smile and nod as they say hi
Every time they walk my way
My calm façade fades away
And when they smile and shake my hand
I cannot find the strength to stand
How was my summer, they want to know
Did I go far? Where did I go?
I fake a smile and force a laugh
“I didn’t do much, why do you ask?”
I feign the lazy summer stance
Although I tremble beneath their glance
And every time they call my name
I know my life is not the same
They look at me with naïve eyes
They cannot see the tears I cried
And when they laugh with carefree love
I curse the sky, the heavens above
And a part of me starts to die
As, bit by bit, I learn to lie
I play the game, and strut along
They’ll never guess I don’t belong
We fight our wars beneath our skin
The hopeless battles we’ll never win
The happiest people are those with masques
Impenetrable as bulletproof glass
The ones in pain we envy the most
Because they are hiding their pasts’ ugly ghosts
Behind the masks we’ve come to believe
The walls that they’ve built to hide and deceive
Now I have become one of them, too,
So, bearing that in mind, how do you do?

Reborn

Another summer passed away
Another end, another day
Another way to say goodbye
Another heart that’s made me cry
Another love, another dawn
Another right, another wrong
A new day comes, an old night ends
Another way to make amends
Another turn, another twist
A broken heart, a swollen wrist
I cannot leave, but I can’t stay
My heart has burst and blown away
So though I’ll go, I’m not alive
The day you left was the day I died
I loved your thought, but you weren’t true
And there’s no sense in mourning you
It’s just a wasted summer love
The torture graced with wings above
But even though I still might mourn
The day you left, I was reborn
And I am strong, and I’ll move on
Because I know you’re forever gone
The summer fades, and I won’t lie
The love we’ve lost still makes me cry
But you were wrong, and I’ll be strong
I’ll find my courage, and I’ll move on
I’m not the same one you left behind
Because I’ve lost my heart and lost my mind
But from these ashes, I’ll rise again
Possess the strength of a thousand men
And though my heart is ripped and torn
The day you left, I was reborn

sky full of stars

and the sky was so full of stars i could
almost feel the light a thousand tiny
twinkles in the middle of the
night it wasn’t safe to stand outside
in the middle of the woods but i
looked up and stared at them just as hard as i
could you see the sky was just so full of stars and they were
twinkling bright and i just couldn’t believe my
eyes it was such a lovely sight but i knew that the stars
would fade away too soon into the shadow of another
glistening full moon and now i’ll wait upon my porch for the
stars to shine again just like i’ll wait right here for you because
you were always a good friend even though you’ve left
me standing here in the middle of the woods i’ll wait beneath a
sky of stars just like a good friend should.

Goodbye

The sun sinks deeper, escaping the sky
While crickets are chirping their soft lullaby
A baby is sleeping in her mother’s arms
While she is dreaming, she’ll come to no harm
We all start life small, and grow into life
We face all the heartaches, the sorrow, the strife
We learn to love each other, and we learn how to cry
But we learn, most of all, how to say goodbye

It isn’t easy to say, even if you’re prepared
It’s lonely and intimidating, and we’re often scared
Familiarity is safe, as every sleeping baby knows
But our lives always change — that’s the way that life goes
I can’t remember how to smile, but I sure know how to cry
So mother, please, one more time, sing me your sweet lullaby
And I know, one day, I’ll have to tell you goodbye
But hold me in your arms, please, just one more time
Tell me a story, another nursery rhyme
When I’m sleeping in your arms, it feels so safe
Nothing can touch me when I’m in your embrace
But one day, I’ll have to leave, and one day, you’ll die
And that will be the day when I’ll tell you goodbye
The crickets are still chirping, but the sun has disappeared
Just like all of the blessings we’ve counted through the years
I’ll never be too old to find safety in your touch
Only a few seconds more, please, I don’t ask for much
But now you are gone and much to my despair
I can’t touch you again — I can’t find you anywhere
So I’ll hold on to your memory, though I might start to cry,
Because I lived through day when I had to tell you goodbye.

Away

Every step I take away
Is one step further from you
And every time I turn away
There’s nothing you can do
Everything we ever were
Is a memory passing by
And that is why, my dearest friend,
I’ve come to say good-bye

Please don’t miss me too much now
It will not help at all
And I will not be there to answer
If you try to call
I have erased your phone number
From my memory
And you will thank me soon, some day,
Though now you cannot see

Love Lockdown

Love is a crime that binds us to pain
Handcuffed to walls of heartache and blame
Bleeding from scabs cut out of our hearts
Leaving us broken, with souls torn apart
Trapped behind bars of sin and deceit
Locked inside dungeons with hearts incomplete
Love is a crime denounced by our lies
Leaving us broken and empty inside
Love is the secret we sow in the dark
Blown into pieces by one single spark
The fires ignite, sending whole lives in flames
Leaving us charred in the ashes and chains
Chains on our hearts that now have no end
Chains that grow stronger each time we’re condemned
Chains wrapping tightly on our hands and knees
Chains that are choking and bear down and squeeze
Love is the chain that binds my heart to yours
Love is the key that’s locked all of these doors
Locked me inside so you’ll never find me
But you should know better — your love cannot bind me
I’m tied to a pipe in the cellar of love
I dangle over cliffs from the branches above
The rocks there are sharper than your love’s sting
But when I breathe your gas, I forget everything
When my head’s on the block, I could swear myself true
When my neck’s in the noose, I think only of you
When my sentence is passed, I look in your eyes
But when you look back, all of that love dies
Because I know my crime, and I’ve done my time
And now that we’re through, love’s no longer a crime

It Was Just Right There…

A.N. Wrote this a while ago. Picture not mine. 

 

The pain is too great. It cuts through my heart, but there is no blood.

My head is surrounded, and the pain blots out the light.

It forms paper cut-outs which dance in the night.

It falls in front of me, taunting, teasing.

I stretch my arm, but, this time, it doesn’t move.

It is a knife, a blade, a dagger…sharp…waiting.

I tighten my grip, and pull it towards my chest.

For a moment, time stands still.

I tug my heart out of my chest, and hold it in my hands.

A pool of blood follows, and I feel my soul released into the emptiness around me.

The pulsing mass in my hands is puny. Pathetic. Its bleeding beat flutters.

Why should something so small cause so much pain?

The vessels are still connected. They lead from my chest, pulsing in a strange synchrony. How easy they would be to cut!

Indeed, everything around me – the whole world! – seems to beat in rhyme.

If I clipped the connection, would I run out of time?

Is this pain worth feeling? I don’t trust myself to decide.

But how can I live like this, holding my heart in my hands?

A beating heart means bleeding pain.

But a bleeding heart will never start again.

The choice lies before me, a dagger in the night.

If I sever the chords, would the pain slip away?

Or would it persist, only blocking my way?

Could a heart have a use, beyond spilling my tears?

I can’t imagine it does, even in my wildest fears.

But it sits in front of me, completely at my mercy.

It doesn’t beg, doesn’t speak, only sits there…and beats.

A faithless servant, feigning loyalty, while it conspires with the pain.

Together, they’re unstoppable. Yes, I plead with it in vain.

But this hole in my chest leaves me empty and incomplete.

If I put my heart back in, would this heartbreak just repeat?

All I know is I can’t feel this pain any more!

So I cut out my heart, and leave it on the floor…

 

 

Crazy Limerick

A.N. Yes, it’s not really a limerick. It’s forced and trite and altogether unpleasant. Perhaps I’ll edit it sometime.
BP

It started with a note stuck on the door
You said you couldn’t see me anymore
I tried to call your phone
But nobody was home
And that’s how I found out that you were gone

So I took the car and drove towards your house
But the whole place was as quiet as a mouse
I knocked on all the doors
Saw the dust on all the floors
And knew this wasn’t what you left me for

So I sat down and wondered what to do
To go back home or try to follow you
But where could you have gone?
Did I do something wrong?
You didn’t even leave a single clue

Two days later I was walking through my yard
When a girl in shorts walked up across the lawn
She called me by my name
Said hers was just the same
And said her boyfriend had been missing three whole days

Now, there’s a riddle I don’t want to know
But now I see why you just had to go
She’d caught you in the act
You crept behind her back
And you used me to hide you from the truth

So, don’t come back here crawling on your knees
I don’t want to hear your sorrow or your pleas
I’m so glad you are gone
So I can now move on
I’ve finally learnt my lesson
Have you started to learn yours?

Monster I Have Become

i killed hope in the chilly dawn pulled

up my sleeves and the deed was

done i never thought twice only took

the plunge and now you can see the

monster i have become yes that’s why

children run from me and good people

hide it’s because they see the truth they can

see it in my eyes oh i never thought when i did it that

it could haunt me so but now i’m a murderer and

that’s the only truth i know oh please don’t tell me

otherwise and justify the deed you see i did it oh so quickly

i didn’t really believe and hope is so very trusting and it’s

really the sweetest thing but i killed hope

one morning when i went murdering.

Benedict

He sold me out in the dead of night

His pale face framed by a lantern’s light

He spoke to the devil and laughed at my pain

While I hid outside, getting drenched by the rain

 

I called him a friend, but, now, he’s a fool

He broke all the oaths, disregarded the rules

He held me in his heart, but money pushed me out

And he sold my secrets without any sign of doubt

 

I walked back to camp, stumbled through the rain

Wondered what to do, how to hide my pain

I couldn’t let him see the damage he had done

Both he and I knew that, without battle, he had won

 

If we ever meet again, I hope he’ll watch his back

You never know when sweet revenge will call for an attack

His betrayal scarred my heart, and I’ll never be the same

Mine was a foolish, trusting heart, but it’s the only one to blame