No More

Two rows of Barbie dolls lie on the floor

No loving hands to hold them anymore

No little girl to tuck them into bed

Because that little girl is now dead

She grew up too quickly and learnt about life

The anger and sorrows, the nightmares and strife

She learnt about heartbreaks before she learnt about love

But now she’s with angels — she’s high, high above

Her body still dwells with us here on this earth

But her spirit has vanished, no more laughter or mirth

She’s sullen and silent, a shadow crossing the floor

And she will find happiness inside her no more


forever is a long time to be

alone but i realise now that that’s how

it’s going to be because i can’t keep you

next to me and love is too slippery to

hold onto for long and maybe one day

you’ll see that you were wrong but that’s wishful

thinking and i know you’ve probably moved on but i

just keep going and rock myself to sleep at

nights because the house is too quiet when i’m

here all alone and every creak is an enemy because

i never could keep friends they all slip through my

hands like the sands of time passing too quickly for me to

commit anything to memory it’s all just moving too

fast for me to handle and everything is spinning and their

fingers point and judge and call me names but i block my

ears because their words just slip in and out and nothing sticks

to me just like my love could never stick to you.

Turned to Stone

A.N. Changing seasons are so inspiring…


You turned my heart to stone

The day you walked away

I’ll always be alone

No other love will stay

I blame my trusting heart

The signs I should have known

But you won’t break my heart again

Because it’s turned to stone


The autumn wind cuts through my shirt

And madness haunts my brain

The dusky sky is full of hurt

My guilt leaves me in shame

I’ve never gone so long without
Your hand caressing mine

But now it’s dawn, and you are gone

And everything here feels so wrong


You turned my heart to stone

The day you said goodbye

You left me all alone

The day you made me cry

I blame my trusting heart

I’ve found itself alone

And now my trusting heart

Has slowly turned to stone


They say the pain gets better

With every passing day

But I know that these fetters

Will never go away

The pain that binds me to you

Is strong when I’m alone

But I can turn away from it

Because my heart’s turned to stone


The days are shorter, and longer too

These days when I’m here without you

But I don’t really feel alone

Because my heart has turned to stone


You turned my heart to stone

The day you walked away

I’ll always be alone

No other love will stay

I blame my trusting heart

The signs I should have known

But you won’t break my heart again

Because it’s turned to stone


his eyes were watching me

a gaze i could not bear

he’d wait at every corner

he always stood right there

he covered all his footsteps

left no trace where he’d been

but i knew he’d been watching

i knew what he had seen

he didn’t say much at all

he only watched my fear

he copied all my movements

each day for three whole years

and with his muted eyes

he’d look me up and down

a glance that stole my childhood

and turned my smiles to frowns

i always was polite

and asked him to please leave

but he would never listen

he gave me no reprieve

i could only guess at his intention

thoughts that made my blood run cold

my soul was torn to pieces

inside his iron hold

and still he’s watching me

inside every boy i know

he’s waiting by the corner

everywhere i go

his eyes are on your face
there’s no escaping now

and i will never free myself

because i don’t know how

no phone calls to heaven

and she says she spent three hours on the phone to her

sister last night and while she talks her face glows from the

light of her smile and she says how they talked and talked and then

went on skype and talked some more and there was just so much to

say and it was just so nice to speak to her sister after so long and you know i’d

like to speak to my sister sometime too but i can’t you see because

there are no phone calls to heaven from earth.

all my secrets

i won’t tell you my secrets because i am strong

i don’t want you to worry or think that it’s wrong

to tell me your troubles and lean back on me

and so i’ll hide my pain so that you will not see

i won’t let you inside my cavernous heart

it’s so full of holes that it’s falling apart

you don’t know my fears or the stories within

you don’t know my passions and you don’t know my sins

i don’t want to be weak, i just want to be strong

i don’t care if it kills me, if i’ll never belong

i won’t shed my tears while the world can still see

i won’t show my colours, so, please, let me be

i don’t care if i’m lonely, i don’t care if it true

there’s nothing worth saving, but the same’s not for you

and when my life’s done, maybe yours will go on

and you’ll find the courage to be courageous and strong

but i’m too afraid to be something i’m not

i’m afraid that you’ll see me and connect the dots

i don’t want you to know me as trembling and weak

i just want to be stronger, that’s all that i seek

i want you to believe that i’m fine on my own

i want to seem like i’m already full-grown

i don’t want to be bullied or abused any more

so i won’t let you in, i’ve locked all of my doors

i won’t let you hurt me, i’m done with the pain

all the heartbreaks and longing that drive me insane

i don’t need your comfort and i don’t need your time

so go live your life, and i will live mine


Internal bleeding is hard to detect

The pain radiates from a failing defect

The beeping is faster, and the green lines have blurred

I feel my heart tremble from the grief I’ve incurred

The bruising inside cannot be seen

But my skins looks fine, and the tests come back clean
But something is wrong, I know it is so

Yet I try to hold back, to go with the flow

The wires attach me to too many machines

The bright lights are flashing in blues, red, and greens

But while they are beeping, I’m still alive

Though I won’t be for long, I cannot survive

An attack of this strength for more than a day

I feel my strength slipping, fading away

My blood running out of my chest, of my heart

My soul bleeding out through the loves torn apart

You can’t see it now, but you won’t take my word

I know what’s inside, but you say that’s absurd

My heart’s failing quickly, and I’m coughing up blood

My lungs drowning in the fragments of lost loves

I stare at the screen, waiting for the time

When the green will stop pulsing, when I have flatlined

Because that is when you’ll realise my pain

It’s only when I’m dead that you will finally feel the same


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